A house spelled T-A-R-D-I-S

I'm actually going to start with the non-real hopes, because otherwise I'm not going to make any sense. See, I love little houses from the outside. I have this image in my head of this little single story, four-ish room white cottage on a hillside, with roses climbing up a trellis next to the door. The problem is, on the inside, my dream house is about as big as the Von Trapp house in Sound of Music.

See what I mean? Clearly I'm going to be living in the TARDIS (which is totally an option, by the way).

For the inside of my house, I'm hoping for a library on an inner wall, so that I can paint windows "out" to various of my favorite scenes from books (I know I want the winter lamppost from Narnia, Bilbo's birthday party, and Hogsmeade for sure, and possibly some others depending on what kind of space I have - and I'll probably have to commission one of you to do the drawing so it actually looks like what I want it to...) under which I would build "window seats" for reading nooks. I also want a large(ish) kitchen - final size kinda depends on who all I'm feeding - and a front parlor that probably would almost never get used, but would just be an extra sitting space. Then there would be an upstairs with all the bedrooms (and a second story to the library that's closed off from the rest of the second floor and you can only access by a spiral staircase from the lower floor library - what?! I'm gonna have a lot of books!), with laundry chutes from each room down to a basement washroom that's next to the man-cave, assuming that by this point there's someone to NEED a man-cave. Oh and somewhere in all this mess there's a hot tub, because why not?

As for the rest of the non-real stuff, hmmmm... I'd kind of appreciate legs on the house, like Howl's moving castle, because then I could travel without leaving home (or worrying about finding accomodation). I'd also appreciate a pantry that always has exactly what you need for dinner, though I don't think I've ever read about one of those somewhere.

*sigh* Someday...