Saturday, June 7, 2014

Page 4


First of all, you seem far too advanced for a child as young as you claim to be.  Your letter made me very nervous and suspicious because my daughter is your age (or, your alleged age) and at the top of her class, yet I am positive that she is not yet capable of the diction and syntax of which you are capable.  Therefore, I’m choosing to end our correspondence here because I believe you to be some sort of criminal, fishing for a victim.  You are not, certainly, a high school student.  I do not believe there is a "project," at least not one of the nature you describe, and if I were you, I would be very, very careful of how I proceed.  I have taken your original letter and replaced it with this one, and by the time you read this, you letter will have been thoroughly examined by me and my colleagues at the San Diego Detective Bureau.


Detective-Sergeant Melody LeGrange (Badge #555)
San Diego Police Department


  1. See "Zoe"? "Alex" was right to be paranoid and skeptical! :P

  2. Dear Detective-Sergeant Melody LeGrange (Badge #555),

    After showing your letter to my Sociology teacher, Mr. Daniel Zephran, he advised me to assemble the following:
    a copy of his assignment
    his teacher ID number
    personal statement of my character and attendance in his class
    the same from my school principle
    my driver's license
    school registration records
    school transcripts, and
    a note from the proprietor of Hollingwood's Used Bookshop affirming that I obtained permission in person to post my letter

    These I am delivering along with this note to the San Diego Police Department in the hopes that I can help clear this up quickly and painlessly. I do very much apologize for coming off as suspicious. I hope my school transcripts, which place me in the top 5% of my class and record my SAT Verbal score of 770, offer an explanation for why I read older than I am.

    Again, I apologize for alarming you. I've included my personal contact information in case you wish to speak to me in person.

    Yours sincerely and apologetically,
    Zoe Ballard