Saturday, June 22, 2013

So, How's Life?

Well, we didn't get a topic yesterday, so I guess we're going for the default:  "How was your week / How's life going?"

Frankly, it's been really difficult, so if you don't want to read something that might depress you, don't read this section.  Slightly happier times are described afterwards.

I had been having a lot of issues around my friendship with Matt.  I felt like something was wrong - the same way I felt between the day that he found out about his deployment and the day he told me.  He just wasn't acting right, not to me anyways.  I wrote him a Facebook message, telling him how I was feeling.  He took a week to respond because, he says, "I just didn't want to deal with it at the time."  He was happy that we went out "on a few dates" and he thinks I'm "a very nice person," but he wants his space.  He said that after reflecting on our relationshp, he realized it wasn't what he wanted, but he is happy that he tried, rather than missing out on something.

I'm a mess.  For one thing, I specifically told him that I wasn't asking that we get back together, but that's all he seemed to address.  I told him I wanted to be his friend - to support him through the tough times - but that I didn't know how to just yet, and I would love it if he would help me out.  And how can he possibly minimalize our relationship as "a few dates" when (I thought) we were so much more than that.  And what did he reflect upon in our relationship that he thought was so horrible that he didn't want to see me even as a friend anymore?  When we were dating, he told me multiple times that he thought I was "amazing, beautiful, wonderful,..." but now I'm just "a very nice person."  I believed him, and I valued him, and I trusted him, but he stomped all over all of that.  It was all just a lie, and none of what we had was real.  I can't believe I was so stupid.  Clearly he didn't think I was someone worth fighting for or waiting for.  Clearly men are all the same, and there aren't any good ones left (or, at least, no good ones that would have feelings for someone as anxious as insecure as me).  And, last but certainly not least, clearly my trust issues are completely justified.  Ladies, be careful how you give your heart.  I, for one, have built a wall around mine for just about everyone, save all of you and a very few others.

But, outside of myself, there's a little bit of family drama and goings-on.  Angie and Chris are gearing up for moving out of our house and into Chris' grandmother's old house in mid-July sometime.  Grandma has dementia, and can no longer live by herself anymore, so she will be going into a home where she can be watched and kept safe.  Chris is inheriting the house from her.  While I will miss my sister and my nephew Scout grievously, I am also a little excited for them to move out.  Once they do, the bathroom will stay much cleaner, as will the rest of the house.  We won't have to worry about as much clutter, and I will basically be the only one using the second floor at all.

However, to prepare for said move, Angie and Chris decided to get another dog to accompany little Scout, so they got Sport, who I talked about in my last post.  He has finally started coming out of his shell, and has proven to be quite a goofball.  To all of those who have met Duo, he's very similar: a big, thumping, uncoordinated, clumsy oaf.  About five days ago, however, we all noticed that Sport had some mucus coming out of his nose.  While this is may be commonplace for humans, it can be a sign of serious health issues in domesticated pets.  We took him to the vet, and he was diagnosed with the canine flu - a highly contagious and much more dangerous version of the human influenza virus.  He was given a prescription to cure his symptoms.  But, now Ten-Ten has it, and she sounds horrible.  When she starts coughing, she sounds like a goose, and it has me very worried.  She feels warm to the touch too, so she has a fever, and she'll shake sometimes.  She may need emergency treatment if she doesn't show signs of improvement soon.

Sport has, also, been officially re-adopted by my mother.  Yep, that's right - Angie and Chris aren't taking that forty-pound monster.  Chris has decided, basically, that because Sport isn't exactly like Scout (outgoing, happy, playful,...), he doesn't want him anymore.  It has me pretty angry because we tried to tell him over and over again that the changes in Sport weren't going to happen overnight - that it was going to take time - but he's too impatient and stubborn to listen.  He has got to be the most hard-headed person I've ever met.

But, life hasn't been all bad.  I went out to dinner and to the mall with a distant cousin of mine who has been my friend since high school.  We had a good time, talking and laughing and reminiscing for awhile.  I haven't seen or talked to her in a long time, so I was very happy to see her again and to hear that her family is doing well.  Mom went on a vacation last week, so Angie and I were on our own taking care of the house...eek!  It actually wasn't as terrible or as hectic as I thought it would be.  I slept downstairs with the dogs the entire time so they wouldn't get lonely (which did not make Saloona happy at all), and I was woken up prematurely every morning for pee-pee outings.  Angie and I even managed to keep the place clean  O.O

I miss you guys a lot.  I know that if we were still living down the hall from each other, I would be able to distract myself much better by watching movies with you or talking about stuff that had nothing to do with the stresses in my life.  I have known this all along, but I unfortunately don't tell you often enough:  thank you to you all for being here for me, for being people I can trust, and for letting me be me.  You have really been the only ones who have allowed that.  I don't know what I would have done throughout the past seven years without you all.

I hope everyone else is doing well.  I can't wait to hear what's going on in all of your lives  =]


  1. My guess on Matt is that the relationship between the two of you is hard on him as well, and by telling you what he did, he's trying to distance himself to help himself deal with it. It doesn't make what he did any less hurtful or selfish, but I don't think your view of the relationship was a lie. Our emotions are real, even if the other person doesn't feel it (which I'm sure he did). The happiness you felt was real, and while I agree your trust issues are justified, I'd be extremely saddened for you to close yourself off from having that happiness again. There's a lot of immature guys out there who seek to distance themselves from their significant other rather than work through the hard times together. Somewhere out there is a gem who thinks you're just as beautiful and wonderful as the rest of us girls do and is willing to fight for you. Unfortunately, there's a lot of idiots out there giving him a bad name. I'm sorry things are sucking right now, but you know I'm always available if you want to talk. We could skype watch a movie together if you want! :)

    I hope the puppies all get better, and that things start looking more up.

  2. I agree with Heidi. It sounds to me like he's purposefully trying to put distance between you because it's just easier for him to deal with the situation that way. Which sucks a lot, and is immature and selfish on his part, but the way that he is acting currently should not be a reflection of or on you.

    Love and hugs. Hang in there, lovely.